How to have a family meeting about money

Talking about money can be challenging – and that’s before you add in any complicated family dynamics.

Awkward as it may be, however, having conversations with your family about money can be an important and beneficial part of your financial planning.

“Talking helps us connect and learn from each other, and is an important way to share information,” said Werner Liedtke, Interim Commissioner, Financial Consumer Agency of Canada in a release marking Financial Literacy Month 2024. “Having conversations about money with people you trust can build financial confidence and open the door to positive financial outcomes.”

Here are some tips for holding a meeting with your family about money.

1. Have a thoughtful agenda 

There are many different reasons why you might want to get your family together to talk about money. Maybe you’re a parent who wants to talk through your estate planning with your adult children. Or you could be adult children discussing how you’ll share the financial burden of caring for an older parent. You could also be an extended family getting together to discuss a shared asset, like a cottage or beach house.

Here’s an example: Like many people in the Sandwich Generation (those caring for older parents at the same time as their own children), Dawn is feeling the strain of taking care of her own family’s finances and looking after her aging father.

He’s been living with her, but some recent health issues mean that he will be better supported in an assisted living facility. The cost of that is more than he’s able to cover himself, so she’s gathering her siblings together to make a plan for how they can help share that financial burden.

Whatever you need to discuss together, make sure that everyone is aware of the plan beforehand. You might even circulate an informal agenda, listing the specific points you want to work through together. Not only does this give everyone time to prepare, it also helps ensure that the meeting stays on track.

For example, Dawn’s agenda could look like:

1. Icebreaker activity
2. Summary of the status quo, including the reasons why her father would be best suited to an assisted living facility
3. Sharing research about possible assisted living facilities to consider, including a cost breakdown, or any alternative options to explore
4. Discussion of how these costs could potentially be shared among the family members
5. Action items

2. Create a supportive, collaborative atmosphere 

You want this to be a productive conversation that creates stronger family bonds. A few ways you can help create an atmosphere that encourages this could be:

• Have a meal together beforehand 
• Have a system that makes sure everyone feels like they’re being heard, like raising hands or holding a ‘talking stick’ 
• Create ground rules, or a code of conduct, together 
• Lawyers, other experts or even partners can sometimes create a “my team” vs “your team” atmosphere, so ensure that just the relevant family members are part of any initial conversations 
• Meet in a neutral location rather than in anyone’s home or office. If you’re not all in the same location, a video call is also an option 
• Consider all of the various personalities and dynamics at play here, and try to make a plan for managing those effectively. For example, if you have family members who may have tension, consider sitting them next to each other rather than across the table to reduce an “adversarial” environment, and encourage collaboration instead.

Here’s an example to show how this could work: 

Greg and Suzanne have both recently turned 65, and it feels like a good time to fill their adult children in on the details in their wills. They don’t want anything to come as a surprise, so they want to carve out some space to walk everyone through their decisions and requests.

A few weeks earlier, Greg called each of their kids and invited them to this meeting, which would be held in a private room at the family’s favourite restaurant. He told them exactly what it was about and invited them to share any questions they might have beforehand.

Suzanne took those questions and incorporated them into an agenda for this family meeting. She shared it with the group a week before they met. She also created a brief “Code of Conduct” for the meeting, which included things like “Let someone finish speaking before you start talking” and “There are no silly questions.”

On the day of the family meeting, the family had lunch at the restaurant before officially getting down to business.

3. Designate roles for everyone 

It can be helpful to assign tasks to ensure that everyone feels like they’re participating – and to help ensure the meeting runs smoothly. You might assign:

• A leader who can chair the meeting and make sure you’re sticking to the agenda 
• A notetaker who can keep a record of everything you discuss, which can be circulated afterward 
• A master of ceremonies, who could run a few ice-breaker activities, or share a few words at the beginning reminding everyone of why you’re all here and what the goal of today’s meeting is

Here’s how this could work: 

The Kumar cousins recently inherited the family cottage after their grandmother’s death. They want to get together to discuss how they’re going to tackle the financial aspect of this, like how they will split bills or take care of repair costs.

Raj volunteers to be the chair of the meeting, and it’s his job to moderate the conversation and keep it on track. Ahmed brings his laptop and takes notes throughout, sharing them with everyone once the meeting is done. Nita puts together a few icebreaker activities to kick the meeting off and makes sure that everyone takes a stretch-and-snack break every few hours, too.

4. Close well 

It’s important to end the meeting on a positive note. This could mean summarizing what was discussed and then assigning any next steps, and then moving on to something fun or rewarding, like coffee and sweet treats.

While it might be tempting to spend more time together afterward, it could be helpful to give everyone some time to rest and digest.

For example: After spending a long day working through their mother’s financial plans for her retirement and her estate, the Lee family celebrated a constructive session by eating some cake and then going their separate ways after, with plans to get together for some family time in a few weeks.